Nosy Neighbors and Wifi Network Names
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian discover in a passive-aggressive way that their neighbors have a front row seat when it comes to overhearing their sexual antics, which leads to a discussion about the future of their relationship. Kurt H. Sebastian S.


**A/N:** _Written for the Kurtbastian hiatus project prompt 'free day' and based on this meme. Warning for sex._

"Dammit, Sebastian!" Kurt snarls loudly when his boyfriend's sweaty hands slip their grip on his shoulders, causing Sebastian's cock to almost slide completely out of his ass. "Wipe your hands on the blanket!"

"Bossy," Sebastian groans, wiping the sweat off his palms and smacking Kurt hard on the rear before grabbing at Kurt's shoulders again.

"I thought…you liked…me bossy," Kurt pants after Sebastian gets a better hold and returns to his grueling pace of relentless pounding. It had been a stressful day for Kurt at _Vogue_ and he needs this so much. It just sucks that when it's over Sebastian is going to need to decide between leaving immediately or waking up super early in the morning to head out, since Sebastian's penthouse in Manhattan is so frickin' far from Kurt's loft in Bushwick.

"I like you bitchy, not bossy," Sebastian mutters, concentrating hard on maintaining his pace. "There's a difference.

Kurt closes his eyes and relaxes into the rhythm of Sebastian's body slamming into his own, filling him from head to toe with sparks bursting at odd intervals all over his heated skin, spiraling and coiling everywhere at once, when…

_Crash_!

Close to cumming, the sound of vintage 1960s arts and crafts style bisque porcelain shattering breaks the spell and Kurt's eyes fly open.

"Sebastian!" Kurt cries, craning his neck around, straining to see the source of the clatter. "Did you break another one of my lamps?"

"Yeah," Sebastian grunts, "and you're welcome. That thing was hideous."

Kurt sighs, anger conspiring to stamp down his blissful orgasm.

"That's the third one!" Kurt laments, trying to chase the sensation of sparks lighting a fire in his stomach before they extinguish and leave him cold.

"Well, stop replacing hideous lamps with more hideous lamps!" Sebastian says, his voice guttural with frustration. "Now can you fucking shut up about the lamp? I'm about to lose it!"

"Would serve you right," Kurt mutters, mourning the state of his own withering hard-on. Sebastian watches Kurt's shoulders slump and reaches around his body, grabbing his boyfriend's half-hard cock. With trembling hand, Sebastian strokes Kurt in time to his body moving in and out, though less rhythmic and a little more stuttered as he starts to come undone.

"Come on," Sebastian growls at Kurt when he knows it's going to take longer than he anticipated to get Kurt to cum, his arm cramping with the effort as his own body goes rigid and spills.

"It's your fault for breaking my things," Kurt whines.

"Just…urgh!" Sebastian grabs Kurt's hips and pounds harder, faster, fighting against sensitivity to fuck Kurt the way he needs, bringing back Kurt's erection with a vengeance, making him mumble incomprehensibly until he cums with a moan that rivals the loud smashing of the lamp. Kurt's locked arms give in and he slips forward onto the bed with the weight of his boyfriend's spent and sweaty body pushing him into the mattress.

"That was…" Sebastian murmurs into Kurt's skin.

"…almost a complete failure," Kurt bites back over his shoulder.

"I think the word you're looking for is _incredible_," Sebastian counters, pushing himself up off the rumpled sheets.

Kurt watches Sebastian with heartbroken eyes.

"You're not leaving already?" Kurt asks, watching Sebastian stand, wobblier than before.

"Nah," Sebastian says, padding across the wood floor as he circles the end of the bed, "I need to take a piss."

"Nice," Kurt says with a shake of his head but also a smile, relieved to have more time. "I'm going to hop online." He reaches over the side of his bed and reaches under for his laptop.

"Are you blogging about the incredible sex we just had?" Sebastian asks from inside the bathroom door. "Because you know, I've always said that a live webcam would be so much simpler."

"You wish," Kurt shoots after him, grimacing as he hears Sebastian start to pee, leaving the door open the way he always does. "I'm checking for an email from Isabelle."

"Will you be telling her about the incredible sex we just had then?" Sebastian asks in a raised voice to talk over the stream. Kurt bites his lip at how vulgar Sebastian can be. He wonders how many of the people who are so easily charmed by Sebastian know about some of his less desirable attributes.

Kurt would like to believe that no one does – that this is a side-effect of how comfortable Sebastian is around him.

Still, it would be nice if he could close the door.

"No," Kurt says, logging on to his private user profile.

"Well, you should tell someone," Sebastian argues, pausing the conversation to flush the toilet, "because that was fucking awesome."

Kurt chuckles, scrolling down his screen, but his laughter cuts short when he checks his connection settings.

"Uh, honey?" Kurt says as Sebastian walks back into the room. "I think we need to start toning things down a bit."

"Never," Sebastian answers quickly, heading to the window and opening it a crack to fill the humid, sex-smelling room with fresh air. "Why would we want to do that?"

"Well, the neighbors just changed the name of their wifi network to _I can hear you having sex_."

Sebastian shakes his head with a smug grin on his face and Kurt knows that he's silently patting himself on the back.

"How do you know that's even aimed at us?" Sebastian asks.

Kurt looks up at Sebastian, and then pointedly down at the shattered lamp on the floor.

"Let it go, Hummel," Sebastian says. "Here…" He walks to the bed and drops down to the floor on one knee beside it, pulling the laptop toward him. He types quickly and then turns the screen back to Kurt. Kurt peers at the screen, looking for any changes, and then notices the new name of his own wifi network.

"_Mind your own business perverts_?" Kurt reads out loud. He looks back at Sebastian with an irritated frown.

"Two can play at this game," Sebastian says with a wink.

"Are you _trying_ to get me in trouble?" Kurt grumbles.

"Every damned day."

Kurt raises his hands to the keyboard to switch his wifi name back when he notices a new change.

"Op, they changed it again."

"What the fuck?" Sebastian turns the laptop screen back toward him. "Are they just sitting at their computer, waiting?"

"Well, we're kind of sitting at our computer, waiting," Kurt says.

"_Keep it down or we'll call the cops_," Sebastian reads. "Well, that's not very neighborly."

Sebastian starts typing and Kurt moves to look over his shoulder.

"Neither is _Fuck you, you fucking fuck_s! Seb, you're going to get me kicked out."

"I doubt they can kick you out over loud sex and wifi network names," Sebastian scoffs.

"You don't know my neighbors. They'll sure as hell try," Kurt gripes, closing his laptop without remembering to fix the name, and shoving the thing angrily under his pillow.

Sebastian climbs back up on the bed and sits behind Kurt, kneading the muscles of his shoulders, encouraged when Kurt doesn't shrug him off, especially since he has more than nosy neighbors on his mind.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Sebastian asks.

"If I got kicked out?" Kurt asks, turning his head to glare at Sebastian. "Uh, yeah. A little. I'm not looking forward to living in a cardboard box, and I don't think Isabelle will let me crash in the _Vogue_ vault."

Sebastian massages harder, trying to get Kurt to mellow out.

"But, what if you were living with _me_?" Sebastian places a kiss to the back of Kurt's neck and waits to see what Kurt will say.

It takes a moment for the words to register, but then Kurt's back stiffens.

"What do you mean?" he asks, turning around on the bed to face Sebastian, crossing his legs in front of him.

"I mean…" Sebastian starts, reaching over to Kurt's bedside table to grab a bottle of water, needing to break the intensity of Kurt's eye contact for a second while he gathers his sex-addled thoughts together. He needs Kurt to understand that this isn't a spur of the moment decision – that he won't regret it tomorrow. "We've been dating for a while…"

"Three years," Kurt cuts in flatly. Sebastian takes a gulp of his water and nods.

"Yup, three years," Sebastian agrees, though in his head he knows it's actually three years, two months fourteen days and 22 hours. He won't admit it though. He doesn't want Kurt to think he's whooped. "And you're still living in this shit-hole in Brooklyn."

"I like my _shit-hole in Brooklyn_," Kurt says, mimicking Sebastian's condescending tone. "It's where I live, where my things are, where my space is..."

"And that's all dandy," Sebastian says, putting the water bottle on the floor and bringing his hands back up to Kurt's shoulders, "but this commute between your shit-hole and my penthouse is killing me."

"So, you want me to move in with you because you don't like the commute?" Kurt asks, his eyes narrowing.

Sebastian swallows. This isn't going the way he pictured it.

"No," Sebastian says, giving his answer more thought. "Well, yes…"

This time Kurt shrugs him off, turning and scooting away on the bed. Sebastian sighs.

"What I'm trying to say," he tries again, "and which I'm obviously fucking up…"

"Obviously," Kurt mutters. He feels the bed dip as Sebastian scoots up behind him and contemplates moving closer to the edge.

"I would rather spend all that time it takes to travel from one place to another…with you." Sebastian's hands creep up Kurt's spine and back onto his shoulders, turning him gently back around. Kurt glares at him, but it's not as venomous a glare as before. He sits silently, thoughtfully considering Sebastian's offer.

"Would you consider," Kurt says, "moving in here with me?"

Sebastian's jaw drops open slightly, but he doesn't hesitate.

"Yes," he says, hoping this is just a test, the word spearing him to the depths of his soul with the knowledge of what he's agreeing to. Kurt knows. Compared to Kurt's loft, which _is_ a shit-hole, he has to admit, Sebastian's penthouse is a mansion. It's gigantic, the views are amazing, and it's in a much safer neighborhood overall.

And to be honest, it is closer to Vogue and NYADA than Bushwick is, but Kurt has a point to his question.

He needs to know that this arrangement is more than one of convenience.

He wants to know that Sebastian is committed to what they have so far.

"Alright," Kurt says with a decisive nod. "You can move in tomorrow."

Sebastian's face goes completely pale, but he smiles. It's a sickly little smile, but it's there, and Kurt has to give him credit – even if he _is_ dying to laugh out loud.

"Great," Sebastian says, looking like he's about to vomit, his face actually turning a shade of green to match his eyes, and Kurt can't keep his poker face much longer.

"I'm kidding," Kurt says, shoving Sebastian lightly on the shoulder. "Are you joking? I wouldn't pick this place over yours. I'd have to be insane."

Sebastian's cheeks regain their color as he tackles Kurt to the bed, pinning him down with one hand binding his wrists above his head and the other pinching the soft skin of his stomach.

"You are a bad, bad boy," Sebastian says, biting at Kurt's neck as Kurt laughs and tries to squirm free. "I think you need to be punished."

Kurt stops and looks up at Sebastian, his face bright red from laughing and his eyes deceptively innocent as he tries to goad his boyfriend.

"So, what are you going to do?" he asks, biting his lower lip and batting his eyelids playfully.

"I'm thinking, since you're not going to be here much longer," Sebastian says, licking his lips, "let's see if we can get your neighbors to make good on that threat."


End file.
